Would You Like to Buy a Duck?
by Suiren-chan
Summary: *Chapter 7 Up!! Hotohoti's Turn! I'm done!! Finally!* Nuriko learns a fun new game from Miaka's world, but no one else is sharing in his enjoyment. Does the game
1. Nuriko's New Game

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Part 1 – Nuriko's New Game!

AN: It all starts with that fun little game you play with your friends. For those of you that don't know the rules to "Would You Like to Buy a Duck?" here's an example of how the game is played:

#1: Would you like to buy a duck?

#2: A what?

#1: A duck.

#2: Does it quack?

#1: Of course it quacks, it's a duck.

#2: Would you like to buy a pig?

#3: A what?

#2: A what?

#1: A duck.

#2: A pig.

#3: Does it oink?

#2: Does it quack?

#1: Of course, it quacks, it's a duck.

#2: Of course it oinks, it's a pig.

#3: Would you like to buy a cow?

And so on and so forth until you've added so many people that your brains become fried, your tongues become tangled, and everyone stops playing this never-ending game that drives people insane!

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AAN: I have a lot of short chapters in this, so don't get annoyed with me.

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Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi. I don't own the crazy game, "Would You Like to Buy a Duck?" but I do own my story! So I get the plot, (lucky me) Watase Yuu gets all the fun characters, and whoever was stupid enough to come up with this messed-up game, gets the credit for their mental illness. (no offense to anyone that enjoys the game incredibly, of course. ^_^) On to the reading no da!!

~ Suiren-chan

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Would You Like to Buy a Duck?

Nuriko frolicked around, looking for someone that he could ask. Miaka just taught him this really fun new game, and he wanted to get someone to play it with him. Miaka was really sick of it since she spent two hours straight to get Nuriko to learn the rules. She thought back to how confusing it was for her. 

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"All right Nuriko, I ask you if you want to buy a duck – "

" – and then I say 'a what' right?"

"Yes, then what?" she questioned him. 

"I…no…_you_ say 'a duck' and then I ask if it quacks!" he smiled.

"But you don't _have_ to ask if it quacks, remember, you can ask any question." Miaka felt like she was explaining a game to a four-year-old, but Nuriko was having a great time.

"Yup, I could ask if it swam, or if it ate crackers, or if it was really small, or if it was blue and green with purple polka-dots, and your answer would always be the same!" 

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Miaka smiled inwardly as she looked at his triumphant face. That game is hard to master! Because of that fact, she also warned him that Tamahome, Hotohori, Tasuki, Chichiri, Mitsukake, and Chiriko probably wouldn't understand the strange brain teaser even if he did explain it to them, but Nuriko was bound to try anyway. Good luck guys.

He wandered aimlessly through the palace where they had been staying, and then outside on the grounds. 

"Where_ is _everyone when you want them? Normally you can't get rid of them!" Nuriko said out loud, even though no one seemed to be around to hear him. Suddenly, Nuriko spotted Chiriko on the road walking towards him from the opposite direction with his nose in a book.

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Poor Chiriko. Well, hopefully our genius is smart enough to get himself out of this "game," if you can really call it that. Find out in the next chapter! 


	2. Chiriko's Turn!

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Part 2 – Chiriko's Turn First!

Nuriko ran up to Chiriko faster than he'd run in a while. Chiriko panicked and dropped his book when he saw a flash of purple coming straight towards him. He began to run back the way he came. 

Nuriko: Chiriko!! Chiriko!!!

Chiriko: (Taken by surprise) Nuriko?! What's made you so incredibly excited?

Nuriko: (catches his breath) Would you like to buy a duck?

__

Chiriko picks up his thick book off the dusty road and looks at the Seishi with a crooked smile.

Chiriko: A duck? Sure! 

Nuriko: Really, wai wai! 

Chiriko: (eagerly) What color is it? I've never had a pet before!

Nuriko: (shaking his head disapprovingly) No, you have to ask me a yes or no question.

Chiriko: O...k…Is it brown?

Nuriko: (smiling ear to ear) Of course it's brown, it's a duck!

Chiriko: No, there can be many colors of ducks, not just brown ones. _He started counting on his fingers. _There's white ones and gray ones too. I've heard of ones with green heads, and some are said to have purple stripes. However, you never told me if it's real or not, meaning if it's a fraud, like a toy duck, it could be yellow, or _any_ color for that matter –

Nuriko: (interrupting Chiriko's speech) – Nevermind! I don't really have a duck to sell anyway! _He then quickly covered his mouth with his hand_ Oops… 

Chiriko: (His voice quivering) You don't have one at all? Then why'd you ask me in the first place? (eyes fill with tears) I want a duck!

Nuriko: If anyone can sell _me_ a duck, I'll give it to you.

Chiriko: (knowing there's not much chance of that happening, agrees. But…) Alright…

Chiriko continued sulkily on his way. He was so close to having a pet, but who knows? Maybe there were a few ducks in Konan. Maybe one with a pretty green head! When he got far enough away from Nuriko so he couldn't be seen, Chiriko turned and sped off towards a nearby lake, clutching his robes in his hands to keep from tripping and falling.

"I'm going to find a duck, I'm going to find a duck, I'm going to find a duck, I'm going to find……"

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We'll leave Chiriko here for now. I wonder who's going to be next? Hmmmm…anyone have a guess? We'll have to see when I get the next chapter up! 


	3. Mitsukake's Turn!

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Part 3 – Mitsukake's Turn!

Nuriko decided it wasn't wise to get people thinking he actually had a duck to give them. Or even one to sell. You didn't see ducks everyday in Konan like you might in a place like where Miaka lived. 

"I'm just keeping it to the game. I don't know what I'll do if they actually expect a duck, though. Chiriko did, but he's not _as _dangerous; if I get Tasuki or someone mad, I could definitely be in trouble. But the great, powerful Nuriko won't back down from a challenge! Hahahaha!!"

~ After walking a while with no glimpse of anything moving in all of the surroundings ~

Nuriko: Oh, Suzaku Seishi? (He called for them as if he were calling Tama-neko in for his dinner) Where are you? I have a question to ask you!

Voice from behind him: What kind of question? 

Nuriko was surprised that there was someone around him, but realized instantly that it was Mitsukake because of the depth of the voice.

Nuriko: (thinking to himself) _'Oh well, he's better than no one, and he asked for it.'_ Would you like to buy a duck??

Mitsukake: (waiting for more) …Is that your question? 

Nuriko: It sure is!

Mitsukake: …Oh.

Nuriko: (waiting patiently - _for now_ -) Well…

Mitukake: No. No thanks.

Nuriko: Oh, (disappointed) OK then.

Mitsukake: Ja. Good luck. (he went on his merry way) 

Nuriko: I didn't think he'd be much fun. But I should've asked him if he knew where everyone else was! Darn it! Oh well, who am I going to find next? I've got to think of a better way to ask them – wait, there isn't any other way! (sarcastically) What am I going to say, 'Hona, ya wanna duck? They don't cost anything! Just your time!' 

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S: Yes, there's more. I won't be satisfied until _everyone_ is tortured, and I will try to get these out ASAP. Would you be so kind as to give me a review?


	4. Tamahome's Turn!

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Part 4 – Tamahome's Turn!

Nuriko wandered around until he spotted a large group of people crouded around a few boxes that were set up to look like a podium. It looked as if someone was trying to sell something due to the different amounts of money being called out. (S: hmm…the first auctioneer must have originated in Ancient China) Nuriko walked closer to the commotion, trying his best to stay out of people's way since his feet had already been run over by two little kids in a rush.

Nuriko: (looking around) It's gotta be Tamahome. Who else would create this kind of – *SMASH!* (a very _large_ man tries to step around Nuriko this time, but ends up stepping _on_ him instead)

Nuriko: (starts jumping around in pain while holding his foot) ITAI! If ANYONE ELSE steps on my petite feet I swear to SUZAKU that I will permanently IMPLANT your head in the ground _under _them! And I CAN do that!!! Got it?!

Heads turn in the direction of the jumping crossdresser.

Nuriko: Hey! (looks up to the sky) Isn't there a nicer way to put that?

Suiren: Me? I'm not in this Nuri-chan, and no, I can't think of any better words for crossdresser. 

Nuriko: Then just call me a "she" and not a "he" okay? 

Suiren: Nai, I don't think I could do that. I'd just get confused. Can we get back to the story by any chance? Look at all of this unwanted attention you're getting. (Motions to the people at the auction still staring at Nuriko with shocked expressions) 

Nuriko: (puts _his_ foot down in embarrassment) G-Gomen nasai. (Mustering courage) Close your mouths for goodness sake!

The people at the auction thing obediently do so. Tamahome jumps off the few boxes he's standing on in the middle of the area and runs over to his friend. 

Tamahome: Nuriko? What are you doing here? You know, you're not helping by scaring off the buyers…(he hints with his hand to his mouth)

Nuriko: What do you have left to sell? And what do all these people find interesting in it? You don't even need the money anymore, do you?

Tamahome: (with a goofy grin) You can never have too much money! (more serious) And if I'm going to start a life with Miaka, I'm going to need as much money as I can get to support us, considering it's not coming from anywhere else.

Nuriko: Awwww…(his eyes get cloudy) That's so SWEET!

Tamahome: (with a sigh) Yeah, too bad it's Miaka's stuff from Japan that I'm selling.

(Nuriko's seen falling over behind Tama-chan accompanied by a sweatdrop rolling down his head) 

Tamahome: (Turning back to him) So, anyway, you never answered why you're here. 

Nuriko: Oh yeah! I have to ask you an important question.

Tamahome: Important, huh? That doesn't sound good, but go ahead.

Nuriko: Would you like to buy a duck?

Tamahome: (taken by surprise) A _what?_

Nuriko: A duck.

Tamahome: (puts his hands on his hips) How much does it cost?

Nuriko: You would ask that. But actually, I…don't know. I've never thought about that before.

Tamahome: (throws his hands up in the air, exasperated) Well, you can't expect me to buy something if you don't know how much money I have to pay!

Nuriko: Good point. Miaka never mentioned the cost.

Tamahome: (starts to walk away) I'll see ya later, Nuriko.

Nuriko: No! You can't leave! No one's playing the game right! 

Tamahome: (yells over his shoulder) Go see if Tasuki wants one! (grinning) He and Chichiri said they'd be fishing!

Nuriko: (left by himself) Tasuki? Somehow I don't think he's going to want to play any game, but I guess I can try and find out. Wait a minute, Tasuki _fishing_?!?!

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S: Yes, Chichiri likes playing teacher, doesn't he? Well, we shall find out how well Tasuki does at something that doesn't include whipping the fan around.

(^.^ That sounded like a major Tasuki put-down didn't it? Oops, gomen Keimei-chan!) 

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	5. Tasuki's Turn!

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Part 5 – Tasuki's Turn!

(singing) Here we go a-wandering among the fields of green, da da da daa da da da da da da daaa…(S: Okay, it helps to know the words to "Here we come a wasailing" so I don't sound like Chichiri)

Nuriko: Tasu-ki! Chi-chiri! Where are you?

Tasuki: Nuriko? We're over by the pond!

Nuriko: (finds Tasuki fishing with Chichiri, like he was told) Tamahome said you'd be here somewhere. I need to ask you something.

Tasuki: (Not looking up from the water) Shoot.

Nuriko: Would you like to buy a duck?

Tasuki: A what?? (drops fishing pole in the water)

Chichiri: Tasuki, you baka no da! Get the pole no da! 

Tasuki: (reaching his hand into the water) Ummm…a duck, huh?

Nuriko: Yup, a duck. _'Why do I always have to repeat myself? Is it that hard a concept?'_

Tasuki: I got it! (pulls the fishing pole out of the water triumphantly)

Chichiri: Hand it over. (places the extra pole safely inside his kasa for later use)

Tasuki: Hey, I wasn't done! I didn't catch anything!

Chichiri: Too bad no da. I don't catch anything most of the time either no da.

Tasuki: (temper increasing) Then what the heck's the _point?_

Nuriko: Hello? Gomen, but I'm breaking up this argument because _I_ was speaking first. Now Tasuki, ask me a question about the duck that you said you'd buy.

Tasuki: BUY? Why would I buy anything from you? Do I look that stupid?

Chichiri: (stifles a laugh) Well- 

Tasuki: Don't answer that 'Chiri. 

Chichiri: -You were stupid enough to drop my pole in the water no daa…

Tasuki: I SAID don't answer that dam* it! Go back to your fishing!

Chichiri: (salutes, going super-deformed) Hai! Yoroshii, na no da!

Tasuki: (finally pays attention to Nuriko) Okay Nuriko, does this duck…I ask any question?

Nuriko: Yes, anything. It doesn't matter.

Tasuki: Does it shoot fire?

Nuriko: Huh? Well, no – but _'hey, he's playing it right so far so…' _Of course it shoots fire, (crosses his fingers behind his back) it's a duck!

Tasuki: Cool! I want one! That way I can give the tessen a break!

Nuriko: Ok. Ask someone else the question.

Tasuki: (confused) What question?

Nuriko: (slaps forehead) Would you like to buy a duck?!

Tasuki: But I already told ya I want one! Put one that's half tessen on reserve for me!

Nuriko: No! You have to keep the question going until everyone around is asked to make it more fun! Trust me, that's why I'm asking it in the first place!

Tasuki: Nani? The hell with this! I don't get it!

Nuriko: (groaning) Just…ask Chichiri!!!

Tasuki: (scratches the back of his head) Whatever you say. 

The utterly confused Tasuki then turned to Chichiri to ask him this crazy question. 

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S: Yes, the same question I am so very sick of writing! You guys think Nuriko will finish this, ever?

Nuriko: I will not stop until I've mastered the ducks! *maniacal laughter*

S: Hai, I'm officially scared. The monk gets a shot next! ('When does it end?')


	6. Chichiri's Turn!

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Part 6 – Chichiri's Turn!

S: Last time, we left off with Tasuki ready to beat up Nuri-chan for the foolish duck questions. The only things from doing so was the fact that Nuriko would win the fight. Probably. Well, who knows, but he wasn't going to chance it!

Tasuki: (thinking) I don't get this, Nuriko just couldn't leave us alone, huh? I was having fun fishing. Then I was surprised, I dropped the pole, got 'Chiri mad, and now I have to interrupt his peace and quiet to ask him a STUPID question. What a friend I am.

Tasuki: (turning to Nuriko) What exactly do I have ta ask again?

Nuriko: (stressed, but responding calmly) Would. You. Like. To. Buy. A. Duck. Would you like me to spell it out for you?

Tasuki: (getting upset for looking like a baka) No. That's fine. Hona, Chichiri?

Chichiri: (He stares at the beautiful blue-green water and continues to wait for something to bite at his line, even if he knows he would just throw the fish back. It was so pretty with the bright sun reflecting off the rippling waves and shimmering on everything in sight. It gave him a sense of calmness and peace that he needed and couldn't find anywhere else…) 

Tasuki: (frowning) 'Chiri-chan! Hello in there? (Tasuki flips upside-down) Yo! Monk-boy! (Thinking) With that idiotic mask I can't tell if he's asleep, awake, concentrating, or laughing at me. It's not fair!!!

Nuriko: (leaning against a tree) Any day now, Tasuki.

Tasuki: (gaining confidence, stepping closer to Chichiri) HA! (he pulls the monk's mask off his face in a swift pull)

Chichiri: (opening his right eye slowly and reluctantly turning from his thoughts and snapping out of his trance to answer the bandit) Something you want, Tasuki-chan no da?

Tasuki: Look, I only did that 'cuz you seemed dead and I have to ask you Nuriko's f*ckin' question! 

Chichiri: Nani na no da?

Tasuki: Do ya wanna buy a f*ckin' duck?!

Nuriko: Humph. That wasn't the exact wording I used…

Chichiri: What would I want a duck for no da?

Tasuki: I…don't know, damn it! (clutches his head in frustration) 

Nuriko: Alright! Tasuki, that's enough. If you think too much, you might hurt yourself.

Tasuki: (Glares at Nuriko, his eyes seemingly on fire accompanied by his fangs poking out)

Nuriko: Chichiri?

Chichiri: (still fishing) Hai na no da.

Nuriko: How about ending this and just buying a duck.

Chichiri: (Not bothering to look up) Fine no da.

Nuriko: Tasuki asked you if you wanted to buy a duck, so now you respond with "A what?"

Chichiri: (Checking the fishing line. Nothing.) Ok no da. A what no da?

Nuriko: Now I say "a duck."

Chichiri: (seems confused) You said that before no da. (sets down the fishing pole) Looks like I really have to concentrate on this game na no da.

Tasuki: Did ya get this thing from Miaka's world?

Nuriko: Yeah. She taught it to me this morning.

Tasuki: It's obvious.

Nuriko: (ignoring that last comment) Now ask me a question about the duck like Tasuki did.

Chichiri: But I wasn't paying attention no da! What did you ask Tasu-chan?!

Tasuki: Oi Chichiri! (slaps his forehead) Why weren't you listening?!?

Chichiri: I was fishing no da!

Nuriko: (mumbling) Oh, forget it.

Tasuki: (continuing as Nuriko walks away) You never catch anything though!

Chichiri: (Finally standing up) But it's relaxing no da! If you tried sitting still for more than five seconds a day you could figure that out for yourself no da!

Tasuki: It's BOR – ING no d – Now don't you get _me_ saying "no da"!

Nuriko: (walking away from the bickering) I guess that's the closest I'll come to finishing this game. I'm even wondering if it ever ends at all. (sadly) I might as well give up and go back to the palace. Miaka was right. Ducks just weren't meant for Konan.

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Suiren: So SAD!! *sniff* However, maybe there's one person who can lift Nuriko's spirits. Yes, you guessed it. The last Suzaku Seishi left – Hotohori!


	7. Hotohori's Turn!

Part 7 – Hotohori's Turn! 

Nuriko began his walk back to the palace. His whole day had been wasted, well, maybe not the _whole_ day. The sun was a little more than halfway over his head, making it about 2:00 PM. Nuriko grinned in spite of himself. He had to admit, it was pretty funny to see everyone so confused. Nonetheless, there was still one person whom he hadn't had a chance to confuse. The one person he wanted to see more than anyone. The one always busy serving Konan-koku in his regal duties. The admirable, the charming, the royal –

Voice: Hello Nuriko.

Nuriko: (throw off balance by surprise) Ack! Hotohori!

Hotohori: (walking by) How are you doing on this fine day?

Nuriko: Fine.

Hotohori: You don't look it. You seem fatigued.

Nuriko: I've had an adventurous day.

Hotohori: What did you do?

Nuriko: Are you sure you want to know? I mean, most people have been thinking I'm crazy. I'm ready to go back home.

Hotohori: I'm entirely positive I'd like to know what's bothering you.

Nuriko: You see, I…er…(scratches his head) I have this duck, and I need to get rid of it, so would you like to buy a duck, Hotohori?

Hotohori: (pauses)

Nuriko: (speaking quickly) You don't even have to buy it, I'll give it to you just as long as I end this damned game!

Hotohori: What did you say?

Nuriko: A duck. You know, "Quack, quack" thing? Yeah, would you like to buy, er…take one?

Hotohori: A duck.

Nuriko: Yes.

Hotohori: Why?

Nuriko: BECAUSE IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE! I need to get rid of it!!!!

Hotohori: I'll take it off you hands for you I guess.

Poor Nuriko. By this time, he really made himself believe he had been carrying a duck around Konan in his pocket all day long. Since the game didn't work, he would have been haunted forever by a little yellow quacker. 

Nuriko: Take it! It's yours! You're now a proud owner of a duck, Your Majesty! (laughs deliriously)

Hotohori: Thanks…I think. (waves at the frantic guy) Feel better, Nuriko!

Nuriko: (Dances away) It's over! It's over! No more ducks for me! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa! (does cartwheel) Yippeee! Hooray! Beat that, Miaka! I got rid of the darned duck! Curse them all! I never want to hear the word duck for the rest of my –

Voice: Nuriko!

Nuriko: (stops abruptly and swivels around to see who's calling his name)

Chiriko: You said you'd give the duck to me! (the child's eyes begin to water) And you gave it away to _Hotohori_!

Nuriko: (frantically grabs random pieces of paper out of nowhere and draws on them) Here, look, It's a duck! And it's all yours! 

Chiriko: Really? Gosh, you're great Nuri-chan! (Huggles the paper duck)

Nuriko: Hai! Take the duck!! Want two ducks? Here, take 'em all! (scribbles out more pictures) Ducks for everybody!!! (throws paper everywhere) But NO MORE FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

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~OWARI~

S: Yeah, that's about what I feel like. This story's over. Review for the last time, will you? To show my effort wasn't in vain? 

Nuriko: What effort? You had me stuck in this nightmare for years!!!

S: No, it wasn't year_s –_ only about one.


End file.
